You’re supposed to forgive people.
Years ago, I read this book that said to forgive people, even if they don’t apologize.
The book goes on to say that if you don’t forgive people, you end up with pent up hostility and grudges for people who never think about you. It suggests that you reach out to them and let them know you forgive them, and blah blah blah.
I completely disagree with this idea.
First of all, I don’t think forgiveness really has anything to do with anyone but you. You’re not forgiving people for some karmic relief. You’re not forgiving people for social status. You’re certainly not forgiving people for a second chance to screw up your day.
Maybe it’s my pride, or maybe it’s because I genuinely never think about people who’ve seriously disappointed me, but I have never (and will never) reach out to anyone to say, “hey, I accept your non-apology, because I’m that good of a person.”
I’m really not that good of a person.
Or that stupid.
People really just don’t cross my mind unless someone brings them up.
There are only a few people who’ve seriously wronged/slighted me in my life. I was incredibly angry, and depending on how much I’ve loved them, I tried to keep myself in check, because I never wanted to bite my tongue later.
You can’t take back things you’ve said.
So, I always say what I mean and mean what I say.
After I get it off my chest, I move on. Occasionally, especially those first few hours or days, I try to pinpoint where it all went south. I try to figure out what happened.
Then I let it go. I let it go, because I realize that the answers I’m looking for don’t exist. Sometimes people do terrible things, and that has nothing to do with me. Sometimes people mistakes, because they’re careless.
I really don’t care why people do what they do. It’s enough to know that they weren’t considerate. That’s enough for me.
So no, I don’t hold grudges or remain hostile towards people, because I’m not spending any time thinking of them. I realize that holding a grudge will only hurt me.
I really don’t have time for that.
I’d list all the ways I’m even too busy to be writing this, but it came up today, and I felt the need to explain via this post.
I do not, however, think you need to forgive people for anything; it is sufficient to live your life and forget them without harboring any negative feelings.
What I do to remedy the situation is forgive myself.
So, I trusted the wrong person. So, something blew up in my face.
So, it happened.
I can lament over it, or I can grow.
Not one to ever sit in self-pity, I set a goal and I work toward it.
I forgive myself by trying new things. I forgive myself by accepting the fact that bad things happen to everyone. I forgive myself by knowing to be a little more careful in the future. I forgive myself by having a good life. I forgive myself by giving new people new chances.
I forgive myself by trusting that even though there were a few bad experiences had, there are infinite better ones waiting for me.
It can be hard, for sure, but it’s important.
No, I don’t forgive people, because they deserve it. I don’t even think about those people. I don’t walk around with a dark, heavy cloud of anger towards anyone. Being such a firm believer in karma, I know that everyone eventually gets what they deserve.
I’d rather pour my energy into the things and people I love (or will love).
If you let one bad thing ruin life for you, you’re no better than any of the people who wronged you.
I remember once, someone I loved deeply was wronged and I don’t think he ever got past it. It’s a shame, and I’m incredibly sorry for him, because he was one of my favorite people on this planet (if not entirely my favorite person).
Forgive yourself, because you’re better off.