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Not getting what you want.

Some people are okay with that. They don’t get what they want for various reasons, but mostly because they don’t try.

When I don’t get what I want, it’s rare, but for good cause.

For example, I’ve wanted certain well-paying, great benefit jobs last summer, but I didn’t get them because of two reasons. 1. I was quiet in the interview. I hate unnecessary chatter. 2. I lacked hands-on experience.

The truth, however, is it happened for the best. The one job was for a mortgage company with a bunch of stiffs. I would have been unhappy working with people in suits and snooty attitudes. The second was a phony company that preached one thing and behaved in another way (terrible people, I’ve been told by an employee there).

If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate, it’s not practicing what you preach. I wouldn’t have lasted long. Every job I’ve ever had where I was treated poorly lasted a minimal time.

In the end, I was hired by a company I like. I could wax poetic about the perks of my job, but I won’t. There are things I dislike, but that’s with any job. I do think that the universe didn’t let me have what I wanted, because it was looking out for me. Trust me, I lamented last summer for weeks. “Why didn’t they pick me? I’m the best employee? No one would be as fast and loyal? I’m great!” I whined. I knew it was the truth. It is the truth. I would’ve been great there, but it wasn’t in MY best interest.

For example: last winter, I landed the job that I dreamed of. I wanted it so bad, but another girl got it over me. She didn’t work out, and a month later, they gave me a shot. I hate being second best, but I got the job! I was ecstatic…for a minute.

Turns out, the job was great, but the boss was horrific. I ended up leaving after less than a week.

There’s one more thing I can’t tolerate: condescending, rude, shouting people. I deserve respect no matter how low on the pole I am.

It’s a shame. If I had no self respect, I’d probably still be there, unhappy and anxiety-ridden.

So, while I think you create your future and all that, I think there are some things that seem to work against you, but really don’t.

I know for a fact when I want something, I go 100% full-steam ahead. I never want to regret not having something, because of me. While it sucks (truly, my heart aches when I don’t get what I want, because it’s so rare), eventually I see why I didn’t get it.

Sometimes it takes longer than you think. One particular thing took me four years. When I finally could have had it, I stood dumbfounded. I remember driving home and feeling empty-hearted. How could I want something and then when the universe said, “here ya go!” I had zero desire.

I really don’t know. I just know that my heart (or my gut. Whatever you’d like to call it), said no.

There’s this great quote that really resonates with me lately:

“I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: “Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.””

– Blythe Baird

I think that happens more often than we think. I’m pretty mature, and things don’t always go my way. For the most part, sure they do, because–again–I make them. The ones that still don’t, despite my crazy desire for them and effort for them, are the ones that remind me to keep a level head.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many times that I frustrate myself trying to figure things out, but I believe there’s a bigger reason that I can’t see yet.

I also know this, because there have been times when I know things were out of my control, and yet–somehow, I got them (long story). Then what happened?

The reason for why they weren’t mine in the first place reared its ugly head fairly quickly.

So, the next time you’re pining over not getting your way, think about your dog and the chocolate he wants. It’s for his own good that he can’t have what he wants.

It’s for your own good that you don’t always get what you want. It may suck now, but it might have been ten thousand times worse if you got it.

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” -George Bernard Shaw